Keep on Dancin'.

I don't think I write enough. Why do I think that? Well, because when I do finally make time to write, I have a million thoughts running through my mind and it's hard to sort things out sometimes. It's like too much is going on, so I don't even know where to begin.

I guess I'll start off by saying that I have come such a long way with dealing with things that have happened in my life. Even on bad days, there is such a stark difference than where I was just a year before. For example, I felt down today. But I cried for a little, then coped with it and moved on. That is not something I was capable of doing even just eight months ago. I was trapped and could not get out of what felt like a never ending hole.

I've spoken to this point before, but I can't even begin to explain how big of a deal this is to me. That I can feel sadness, but that it no longer controls my life. That I can have flashbacks or memories of my past abusive relationship and while it still hurts, I can take a deep breath and let it go. I am so thankful for this and I know that it is from the help of many things. An antidepressant, my friends and loved ones and from other activities such as writing. From someone that suffers from Major Depressive Disorder, trust me when I say that the episodes feel everlasting. Like nothing will ever change.

But it does change. It does get better. Not to say it is easy, at all. I fought like hell to get to where I am today. I currently am taking two classes for grad school and am five weeks in. I have 100 percents in both of them. I'm learning and growing in my position at work and I have a group of friends that are my support system. Writing this paragraph caused me to tear up, but from happiness. From pure joy. I can see the brightside of things, for real. I used to pretend to be happy, I am known to always smile, but my smile now reflects how I feel.

This weekend I had an amazing [mini] road trip with my roommate. We went to Orlando to see Ellie Goulding and her show was at UCF - my alma mater. I was able to show one of my closest friends where I spent almost five years of my life and show her some of my favorite things about the campus. This even included making her take a picture of me in front of my sorority house (Go Theta!). I was able to show her a part of my life that I am so proud of. That despite everything that was happening, that I was able to get through it. I was able to show her my strength.

So, it was so much more than just a road trip to see Ellie Goulding. But also, Ellie was amazing. Absolutely stunning and one of the best shows that I have ever seen. The way she spoke to the crowd and performed, to how beautiful she sang. I was able to take in everything and not be silently worrying or be dealing with sadness. Instead, I was just full of excitement and happiness.

Even with rough days now, I know that I can get through it and thinking back to big milestones like this weekend helps get me through.

Happy, in rain or thunder

Baby I keep

I keep on, I keep on, I just keep on dancing