Send my love.

If you have not listened to Adele's new song, skip reading the copy part of the blog, scroll down to the end and watch the video.

I'm serious. It's just fantastic. I highly recommend it, if you couldn't tell.

Anyways, I don't want to get the song confused with why I'm writing today. While the song is amazing, it ties into my thoughts and feelings a tad differently than what the meaning of the song actually is. For the song, it's about a breakup and about moving on. Which I do relate to. But in a deeper meaning. That's where I am in my life. Not just from being moved on from my ex, but from relationships (this includes friendships) in general that are toxic, or that have just become negative.

I met with a close friend recently. While we have different ideas and life paths right now, we are still close. I know that I can call her when I need her and she'll be there for me and vice versa. That's what I need in my life. People I can trust and love, unconditionally, but with guidelines. I know if I do something stupid, she'll call me out on it. If something doesn't seem right in her life, I voice my thoughts. But it comes from love. We're adults, and relationship dynamics change. Unfortunately, that means some people can't continue to be in your life.

The talk from her helped me realize that other relationships I might be fighting for, might not be worth it. And I've had to think long and hard about it. Not to say people don't make mistakes. We all do, and I'm very forgiving. But it's to the point that it can be a weakness of mine. I'm learning, to continue to be forgiving - as it is in my personality - but to also not be a door mat.

I've made a promise to myself to move on from relationships that are no longer healthy. To respect myself enough to realize if someone else isn't trying, that I can't try to make up for it.

It's a short one today, but something I felt the need to write. I've moved on from the most toxic relationship of my life, with my ex, and will continue to value myself enough to walk about from any type of relationship that is negative.

I'm giving you up

I've forgiven it all

You set me free-ee

We gotta let go of all of our ghosts

We both know we ain't kids no more

Pretty Little Girl.

I have a theme going. Sometimes I pick a song that pairs with what I want to write. Other times, the song comes to me and is my inspiration. Today's post is the latter. While preparing for the blink-182 concert (ONE DAY) the song Pretty Little Girl came on. Some of the lyrics really resonated with me and something that I've been thinking about.

Can we learn to get by if we learn to have scars

If we learn to forgive and accept who we are

I watched a documentary last night, Tony Robbins' I Am Not Your Guru, that tied in with these lyrics. Something that hit me was that people in my life have hurt me and I've blamed them for that pain and suffering, but I hadn't "blamed" them for making me the person that I am today. Had my parents been wonderful, had they not been drug addicts, how would I have had the drive and determination to not be like them? How would I have known what not to do? 

I blamed my abandonment issues on them, too. Which is fair and normal, when you're young. But I'm an adult now. I am 25 years old and I am a functioning, healthy adult. I blamed them for being in an abusive relationship. For thinking that I didn't deserved to be loved. But even that relationship has molded me into the strong woman I am. 

I'm not weak. I have gone through hell and back, faced so many obstacles, and I'm still standing. I'm not just existing either, I'm living my life, happily. I am a strong, independent woman that is full of love and am capable of being loved. That deserves love. I was not handed anything in my life. Not to say others do not have it worse, just to say that my life has not been easy. But I am exactly where I am supposed to be. I have a support system of friends and family, I have an incredible job that I am so proud of, I have a 4.0 GPA going into my third semester of graduate school. I am me. And I have forgiven those that have hurt me and put me through hell, because without them I would not have learned how to overcome obstacles. 

If I'm going to blame them for the pain and suffering, I have to blame them helping me become who I am, and I am thankful for that. I have learned that the best people in life have been through hell. They're the best people because they know what it's like to be treated badly, to experience pain and they learned how to keep going. I admire their strength. I admire my own strength. 

Wait a minute hold up a second

Don't leave me here with this feeling

Like I'm the one full of regret

Like I never did good for us both

Lay Me Down.

Reggae/Hip Hop music on repeat. That's what I have been listening to for the last week. But can you blame me? There really isn't any other way to road trip to Key West.

I had a much needed vacation and I was able to get away away from "adulting" for just a little bit.

Before leaving, I had a lot on my plate. Finishing up finals and just a lot going on at work. I also had personal things that I just needed to get sorted out. But that's exactly what happened. I took the time that I deserved to relax and enjoy life, with friends that I love.

It's funny - sort of - how we grow up learning to just accept being busy. That we should feel guilty for taking time for ourselves, but something I've had to teach myself is that vacations, whether it's a big or small one, keep us sane. This is another reason why I am thankful for my job. My team understands this for each of us, that we need a break and breathers, that mental health is just as important as physical health. We work hard, but we also need to rest hard. Makes sense, right?

This really resonated with me as I was reading in Key West...in a hammock on the beach. Talk about zen. But my mind wandered a bit and I just thought about how much work, school and life gets to us. How we can cheat ourselves out of happiness just by being focused on achieving that happiness. Instead of letting it be. I am all for hard work, trust me. I have worked my butt off in everything that I have ever done and will continue to do so, but I made a vow to myself, in that hammock, to not lose myself in the process.

Things come, things go. But choosing to treat ourselves the way we deserves allows for so much good to be brought into our lives. I stress about stress. It's who I am. I push myself and excel under pressure, but that's not healthy. I should not push myself to a breaking point because I think I have to and neither should you.

Again, I'm not saying to take a vacation to the Keys every time you're feeling stressed (bummer), but knowing that you deserve rest and peace will make life easier.

Upon returning the the real world, I found out that I ended my second semester of grad school with two A's and that work picked up just where I left it. The world did not crash and burn because I took a break. Everything worked out and was handled. The only difference is that I feel better. Mentally. I just needed a break.

There ain't no place I'd rather be

I'm talking bout right here, right now

That's all I need