How Far I'll Go.

It has been two years, today, since I started needed this blog. I felt alone. Depressed. Anxious. Hurt. I honestly didn't know how I would make it out of what seemed to be a bottomless pit. Reading some of it, where my head was at, how I was feeling makes my stomach sink. But, little by little, I grew and learned how to cope and deal with things from my past. Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days, but I'm a different person now.

You hear the clichés. Oh, you'll be fine. You'll get through this. Time heals all wounds. Just be patient. You don't realize the small changes being made. The strength you're gaining as you move on. Certain days, it felt like I was back at square one. But now, looking at obstacles that I overcame, I see myself differently. I am different. (I may have also learned to lean on Pinterest quotes/memes as reminders to keep my head up. Example below.)

Something I struggle with is negative thoughts. I know that it's part of both my depression and anxiety, but it seeps into memories that I have. There were good times, but the traumatizing ones outshine it. Recently, I've actively worked on remembering the good. It's hard work, sometimes, but it helps, too.

I had fun memories and was blessed in many ways with my childhood. I did a lot growing up and while there was always a shadow and things that went wrong, I know that every single thing I've gone through or done has sculpted the woman I've become.

For a long time, I thought that I couldn't do this on my own. But when I took the time to focus on myself and my actual needs, it turned out that I like myself. That I'm stronger than I could have ever imagined. Broken pieces started healing. I felt whole again. Now, I have my own apartment, a partner who I love, a great job with people who I cherish and have built true friendships with some amazing ladies. None of this came easy, but it's where I am now. I'm also hella thankful for those who supported me along the way.

I still have a lot to learn, but I can't wait to see the progress I continue to make over the next few years.

The line where the sky meets the sea? It calls me 

And no one knows, how far it goes 

If the wind in my sail on the sea stays behind me 

One day I'll know, how far I'll go